The White Apple: ch4

    After the Friday prayers, I spotted Adam from far away. I made my way through the huge crowd, but just when I found a way out of all the people around me, Faisal, and another friend of his, Fahad saw me.
    “Hey, Abdulrahman! Why didn't you come last night?” Asked Faisal.
    “I was busy with our English project.” I lied.
    “You missed out on a lot yesterday, come walk with us, we'll tell you all about it when we get to the abandoned house.” Said Fahad as he pulled me from the wrist towards him.
    I tried thinking of an excuse so I could escape to Adam, but I thought of nothing so I allowed him to pull me away, and went to wherever they wanted to take me.
    We walked under the burning heat for a few minutes until we got to the usual place we hang out in. It's a small deserted house, that was never fully built because the owner didn't have enough money to finish building it.
    This place never changed much since we made it our own. The ground floor remained empty so no one would suspect us coming into this place. However, the second floor was a bit decent. We had a small, brown, old sofa. Right behind that sofa we had a couple of cigar chests, where we store most of our cigarets, loads of money -which I don't know where they got it from- a few cigars, and sometimes they would bring a bottle of alcohol if they could get their hands on one. I never drank any of the alcohol, nor did I ever ask them how the hell they managed to get any of it, so it's natural that I don't know how they could get them.
    There are also a stack of all types of magazines and comix under the sofa. We would also bring a TV and video game consoles from time to time, and plug them into a generator that we usually leave under the sofa as well.
    Of course we have also at least three to six ashtrays in that house. We usually keep two on a small table by the sofa, some on the plastic chairs we've got and the rest we just leave them on the ground.
    We walked up the stairs, our foreheads covered with sweat due to the hot sun we just walked in. Faisal headed to the cigar chest and got out a box of marlboro, the moment he stepped on the second floor. I looked at that box, and thought about what Malak said to me last night, but the gold was right there in front of me, and all I had to do was receive it. Why would anyone say no to something they want? Besides, smoking is better than inhaling second hand smoke.
Faisal got a cigaret for himself and Fahad. Then he walked up to me, moved a cigaret half way through box, and looked at me straight in the eyes, but when I reached for it, he pulled his hand away.
    “What's your problem? Give it to me!” I said.
    “You lied about doing your homework.” Said Faisal calmly.
    I was quite for a moment, and my forehead was sweating a bit from the tension, because to them going out with other people is a problem. “What's the big deal? I just went out with old friends!” I tried defending myself knowing that there was no use.
    “We both know it is a big deal. Sure you'll just be going out with other people now, but soon enough you'll tell them all of our secrets.” He stared at me to show me how serious he was and then continued, “I don't want to spend a single day in jail, got that?”
    Fahad laid the tips of his finger on Faisal's chest to remind him not to attack me or do anything stupid. “Haman, sit down, here's a cigaret.” Said Fahad as he handed me a cigaret and lit it up for me.
    “We both know what we've done in the past isn't a big deal, and doesn't have to send us behind bars, don't we?”
    “But we're still doing them.” I said automatically, and I realized that I shouldn't have said that.
    Faisal pulled me up from the chair by the shirt, using both hand, forcing me to drop the cigaret. “Listen, if you tell anyone what we are doing to get these cigarets, about this house, about the booze, or anything, we will all be screwed, get it?”
    I started breathing hard, but got out whatever bit of courage I had in me and pushed him away, “I never said anything to anyone, and never will. I'm not an idiot, and why the hell would I tell anyone that I steel, trespass, or even tell them about that one time when we almost killed a kid during a fight?”
    “Shit, can't you keep your mouth shut? You practically just said all the things that could get us into court in one short sentence! Why can't you control yourself!” Shouted Faisal.
    Fahad pulled Faisal to the sofa, and made him calm down. He then lit me up another cigaret and brought me a plastic chair to sit on. Then he began speaking, “Listen, all what we're trying to say is that you sometimes allow your feeling to takeover you, then you start dabbling about all that's inside you the moment you feel close to that person. We can't risk that and well, Abdulrahman, these guys aren't your friends; we are. We have been there for you when your mom died-”
    “So basically stop hanging out with them this much before you screw us all over.” Said Faisal, cutting off Fahad.
    At that moment I received a text message. “Read it out loud, it's probably one of your friends.”


    “Hey, Noor told me about your talk this morning, I thought I'd see you this afternoon, is everything alright? Btw I totally agree with her about your smoking habit, don't worry about it :)
-Adam”

    I froze. No one is supposed to know about us smoking except for some exceptions like Malak. I don't really mind other people knowing as long as they support me, but I really had no idea how Faisal, and Fahad were going to take this. They've been trying their best to keep all of this a secret, because if this information was to be learned by the wrong person, the word could spread out, and all of our secrets will be out in the open, and we will all be closed in.
Fahad started clapping, “So you told them, haven't you?"
    I wasn't able to say a thing, so I just stood there as if I've just seen a ghost, and allowed him to continue, "I tried being understanding of your situation, but now I hear that your 'friends' know about you smoking? What else did you tell them? Did you tell them about this house, would like us to invite them over, so you could have a slumber party? Really, Abdulrahman, you can't talk now?" He waited for a response, but all I gave him was a stare of a frightened cat, "Answer me!" He barked.
   "I did not tell them anything, they found out somehow, the only one who knows is Malak." I murmured.
    He gazed into my eyes, to see if I was lying, when he saw no signs of dishonesty, he shoved me onto the sofa, and got himself a bottle of wine and a box of cigarets, and left me with Faisal.
    "So it's just you and I now. Did you hear of the phrase action speaks louder than words? Well, I don't think you've heard what Fahad said, so let me put it all into action." Said Fasial as he started approaching me. My eyes were locked on the six foot tall, beast in front of me. Faisal was a bit chubby, and big even for a sixteen year old, so I couldn't afford being in his clutches. I started rising from the couch, looking around for an exit, but the only way other than the stairs behind the beast, was for me to jump from the second floor window. However, even that wouldn't help my case, since it would lead me to Fahad. I walked slowly behind the couch to feel a bit secure, but as I walked there I tripped over the open cigar chest!
    "You chose a bad time to be clumsy, Abdulrahman." Said Faisal grimly. He was just fifteen meters away from me, and I had no where to go, the only thing that was between us was that damn cigar chest. I look at the chest and what it contained; the last two bottles of alcohol! I grabbed one and pointed it towards Faisal, as if I was using it to shield myself.
    "Don't take a single step towards me or you'll regret it!" I warned him as I got out my lighter.
    "What will you do, hit me with that bottle? Come on give me your best swing." He teased.
    "Stop!" He actually stopped from my tone. "If you take one more step, I'll break this bottle on the chest, and burn all what it contains with this lighter! Now go back, or I swear to God I'll do it! So back away into the other room, and I want to hear the door lock!"
     "You son of a b-" I broke the bottle on the chest, and cut him right there. He started backing away slowly, without taking his eyes off the lighter in my hand. He went into the farthest room and did as I said. Before I left, I grabbed three boxes of cigarets, and ran out the house. Luckily, Fahad was too busy juggling his bottle and the cigarets to see me running away.
 
    When I made it home, I used whatever energy left in me to run up to my room, and lit up a cigaret for myself. I cracked a window open, laid on my bed, and texted Malak about all of what happened. She first told me to be careful when I go out, and make sure to always be in a crowded place. Luckily, in school Faisal was the only one dumb enough to fail two years respectively, so he's in the same school year I'm in, but he isn't in any of my classes. This meant that he's the only one I will really need to be worried about in school, but I'll be safe as long as I'm surrounded by people.
     She also reminded me that all humans have been gifted with something; everyone forgets. She tried soothing me by telling me that they will soon forget about all of this, and move on. However, we both knew that won't happen, but I hoped that they were afraid that if they harmed me in anyway I would tell on them. The problem was that I was also scared that they are smart enough to know that if I report them to the police, I'll end up in the same problem, which is why I have to keep my mouth touch.
     I decided -for now- to leave it all up to Allah, he knows my intentions when I started smoking, but that wouldn't cover up for the rest of the things I've done like stealing and all of the other mistakes I've done, but I still hoped to find a way out of this.
    The one thing I knew from all of this, is that it is not over; I'm safe for now. Life will continue, and I will have to deal with the consequences. That's what I get for choosing the wrong paths, but every path leads to another, all I have to do is make the right decisions by choosing the right paths, because no matter how unfair life seems, no matter how trapped you feel, there will always be a way out. After all, life is a test, and what good would it be if the test was easy, right? We only improve when we are being challenged, because that's when we bring out our best. So now I have to take the test I've been given, and try my best to pass it.

the white apple: ch3

   The night after we went bowling, I woke upto the sound of a text message:

   I amsry if this woke up, but I need 2 talk to you about something, so could you plzmeet me @ the park @ around 8;20?

- Noor

   When I looked at the time it was 7:27, whichgave me plenty of time to have breakfast, and get ready.

  I got to the park at 8:15 and saw Noorsitting on a bench with her back bent, and head up, watching a couple of kidsrunning up and down the slides. The weather was perfect for outdoor activities;the sunshine was light, the breeze was gentle, the trees were green, and showedthat our spring break wasn’t too far away.

  I walked up to her with a smile as I greetedher. I noticed her eyes were half closed, and her eyes were a little dark,which probably explained why it was difficult for her to smile. She stood up,fixed her pink dress, and motioned me to follow her without saying a word.After two minutes of just walking in silence, I finally asked why she wanted tosee me.

  “I was wondering when were you going to askthat, but I was also hoping you would have asked something else.” She laughed.

  “Alright then, why have we been walking insilence for the past couple of minutes?”

  She sighed, trying to waste some time, andthink more about how she is going to start whatever she wanted to say, “I knowyou left early just because you wanted to smoke last night.”

  “I- but how-"

  “It doesn’t matter, I wanted to tell you thatI know it will not be easy for you to just stop. I don’t want you to keep leaving us every time you have to smoke.I’m not saying you are allowed to smoke in front of us, because that would bejust disgusting to watch-“

“Ouch!”

She ignored me, “Butyou have to stop going away, okay? Iwant you to stay with us, and enjoyyourself as much as possible.” I noticed her struggling with some of her words.She looked exhausted, and made me wonder why she wanted to come this early.

“Thank you forunderstanding, and for supporting me.” I said delightedly.

  She didn’t say anything; in fact she looked alittle distracted by something.

  “Could you tell me why you really wanted meto come here?” I asked as I stared at the flying birds.

  “What do you mean? That’s all I wanted tosay.”

   “So, you came all the way to the park, atsuch an early time, even though you look like you haven’t slept all night, justso you could tell me that?”

“I didn’t wantmany people to see us together, and start talking about us.”

“Noor, I know yourfamily are a bit loose when it comes to these things, so just tell me what itreally is.”

  We stopped walking now. “You see those birdsover there,” She pointed to the sky, “They come and go all the time, so theyare probably used to saying goodbye.” She frowned, took my hand, and guided meto sit on the nearest bench. “Now look at us, we’ve been living in this placeour entire life, because gravity makes it so difficult for us to just fly away.I used to be thankful for that, until last night when I realized gravity makesit difficult for us to fly and leave, but doesn’t make it impossible.”

  I tried processing what she was saying, “Whatare you talking about? Who’s leaving?”

  “Adam. His Dad got a new job in Turkey, andhis Mom is excited about the news, since that’s where all her family is, soit’s a done deal, and they are leaving in two weeks.”

  “But that’s so soon, how’s it possible?”

  “He knew a about this a while back, but hedidn't tell me from before because he couldn’t.” She stopped for a while, andstarted tearing up a little. “It sucks! I actually believed that we had afuture together, I really loved him, but now I can’t do anything about any ofthis, because I wont be able to see him anymore for God knows how long! I feelso limited, so hopeless, and-“

  “Hey, listen,” I cut in before she couldcontinue. “Maybe humans weren’t blessed with wings to fly, but we have beenblessed with a brain that could undo all impossibilities. Him going away doesn’tmean your relationship has to go away as well. You can always email him, video chatwith him, or whatever. You could also visit him this spring break if yourparents allow you to.”

 

  Just as I ended my sentence, a little girlrolled over her ball right next to Noor’s feet. “Do you want to play with me?” Thelittle girl asked.

“Of course shewould.” I answered for Noor.

  The girl took both of us by the hand, anddragged us towards the grass. She then went back to the ball, and threw it for Noorto catch. At that moment I finally saw real happiness in her eyes, and she nolonger looked hurt as she played with the girl. For some reason, that littlegirl made Noor forget her biggest problem. Somehow, that girl was able toreflect her smile on a depressed girl, who thought she wouldn’t be able tosmile again, and she did that in a matter seconds. Somehow a stranger made Noorforget the closest person to her. Even though the memory of Adam is goingto catch up to Noor later on during the day, it still fascinated me how aninnocent child could turn around a corrupted teenager.

  After a few minutes, a woman, who appeared tobe the girl’s mother, came up with wide welcoming hands directed to the littlegirl. The girl ran into her mother’s arms, “She always runs away and plays withpeople she meets here.” She kissed her daughter’s head, and then continued,“But she always comes back to her mommy, right sweetie?”

  “Yes!” Said the girl excitedly, and startedwaving at us as her Mom took her to the car.

  “I wish hecould return back to me.”

  I didn't know what to say, but I thought bringing happy memories to her mind could keep that smile for a while longer, “How did you two meet?” I asked.

  “It wasn’t a long time ago like you wouldthink, but we clicked, and became close fast enough for anyone to think we haveknown each other forever.

   I was walking with my friends last year inthis park on the thirtieth of April, just a day before Labor Day. I was actually on my phone texting my olderbrother, when all of a sudden I saw someone running in front of me. We bothtried getting out of each other’s way, but ended moving towards the samedirection, causing us to bump slightly into each other. None of us got hurt,but my phone slipped out of my hand due to the incident.

   He picked it up from the floorbefore I even started processing what was going on. When he looked at the slightlyscratched screen he insisted on paying for it. I told him it was nothing,because I hardly even noticed it, and then I excused myself, and left, withoutgiving him a chance to say a thing.

   The following day, I came backto the same place. He was with a couple of guys playing football. I recognizedone of them; it was Talal. When he saw me looking at him Talal gave him a tap on the shoulder and looked to my direction. Adam walked up to mewith a bag in his hand. Without saying a word, he smiled at me, I was somesmerized by his smile, that when he handed me the bag, I just took it withoutrealizing what I was doing. Then he just left me with a small bag, and a memoryof the most innocent, and beautiful smile my eyes have ever seen.

  I sat on a bench and looked intothe bag. It had a note, and a wrapped box inside it. I got out the card, and Istill remember what it said because I have read it thousands of times, and itsaid:

   I don’t know you, and to be honest I don’t know what I am doing. All Iknow is that when I saw you I saw a beautiful future. I know all of this probablysounds crazy to you, because it does to me, but I couldn’t stop thinking ofwhat happened yesterday, and I have to pay you back what I owe you.

   I read that note two more times,not believing what my eyes and brain were telling me. My eyes kept reminding meof how concerned he looked last night, and how bad he felt for what he hasdone. They also reminded me of his smile; his breathtaking smile, that just thethought of it took me to another world. My brain kept telling me that I found astranger who cares about me, andwants to make me happy. It told me that I’m living a dream, a fairytale, and afantasy all at once. Somehow I couldn’t comprehend that what was going on was abit odd or creepy, because for some reason all what was going on seemed perfect,and when I unwrapped the box, the moment became ten times better.”

  "What was in the box?" I asked anxiously. 

    She looked aroundwith a silly looking grin on her face, and giggled like a little girl, "Ican't tell. Umm, tell you what, since you say that I actually will continue seeing him,then that probably means so will you, so why don't you ask him about the restof the story when you see him?"

   “That wont be long from now,I’ll probably see him after the Friday prayers.”

   She smiled when she heard that. It reminded her that Adam is still here; she doesn’t have to be sad just yet. It was then when I thought she realized it was him she should have texted this morning to see, and not I. However, that was not what happened, maybe it was just a coincidence that it didn’t, or perhaps for some reason fate didn’t want them to meet just now. Whatever reason it was, it was probably the right reason for her to have seen me, because spending those few minutes away from him now, could have saved them years together in the future.

The White Apple: ch2

    Do you know those days, when you wake up in the morning, and you just know it's not your day? Well, I had a couple of those before, but the morning of the day I started smoking, was the day I thought I’m going to move on with my life, and live just like the way I did before.

   I woke up hearing the calm sound of the dancing trees. Birds were singing by my window. The sunrays escaped my curtains to warm me. I woke up easily, feeling so refreshed.

   I grabbed my phone, to only find a text from my friend, Faisal, asking me to come over to his house to help him with his schoolwork. I rose out of bed having nothing, but one thought on my mind: ‘Today is the day I will smile, and forget about my Mom’s accident.’

   Of course, it is easier said than done. The moment I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, flashbacks started haunting me again. It was as if the mirror turned into a reality show that exposed the worst moments of my life.

  

   I scrutinized the day I got the news about my Moms’ death. I was entering our house with a smile on my face, ready to gloat about how great my History presentation went. Just when I was about to scream ‘Mom’, I found my sister crying on the black couch, her face buried inside her hands. She didn’t give me a chance to react. She started screaming words like ‘gone, over, and dead’. When she got up to her feet, and showed her face, my face turned pale. I was terrified. Hearing words like that coming out of my sisters mouth, and seeing her make-up all ruined by her tears like that. Her face was so red, her voice was so high, and her body was trembling as if she had seen a ghost. It was easy to tell she was crying for a long time.

   She finally put her arms around me, and told me the news. I froze there, tears sliding down my face. I wasn’t able to move an inch, and had absolutely no control over my body, or tears.

   Finally, the flashback ended. I drove my fist into the mirror, cracking the glass. 

   I wanted to end what I figured is going to be a horrible day. I washed up, and got ready as fast as I could, and exited the house without telling anyone where I was going.

   The birds I heard singing earlier turned to crows. The dancing trees turned into stiff branches. The warm sun turned into a burning fire.

  When I finally made it to his house, I felt my clothes tighten a little from my sweat. My face was already red, and I felt like I was going to faint if I didn’t get water anytime soon. “Come up, the door is open, and no one is home!” I heard Faisal screaming from his bedroom window.

  I made my way through the small hall, making my way up the grey stairs. I turned right, and went inside the second door to my left.

  I came in to see Faisal setting up his laptop, with a blank poster on the ground. “What’s wrong with you, Abdurrahman? You look like you just ran a marathon.” He tossed me a bottle of water, and pointed for me to have a seat. “I’m serious, man, what’s wrong with you?”

  I took some time to reply, debating with myself whether or not to tell him what was actually wrong with me. He is your best friend, I thought. I told him about what happened to me earlier this morning, and how I cant get my mind off everything that happened to me in the past couple of weeks.

  “You really want to know how to get your mind relaxed? Do you really want to feel like the way you were before, or even better? Do you want me to show you a way to get rid of all your anger and stress?” Faisal questioned me, as he started heading to his bedside table. He opened his drawer, and got out a box of cards from under a pile of junk he had. “The solution for your stress is in this box.” He said smiling.

  “In your cards box? What game are you playing with me? Are you high?” I asked completely confused.

  He chuckled. “Do you want something that I guaranty will take away all of your stress, or not?”

  I nodded.

  He stepped closer to me, showing me his fingers. “Why do you think my fingernails are yellow? Why do you think I’m always relaxed? How do you think I’ve lost so much weight last year? And no, I am sorry to break it to you, but my room doesn’t smell like this because I love burning things.”

  “Why did you even start?”

  Instead of receiving an answer, he got a cigarette out. “Try one, and you’ll understand.”

  I took a step forward, not sure if I should continue. I knew how bad cigarettes were to the human body, but I also knew they are not as dangerous as drugs like, Heroin and Ketamine. I decided to look at the bright side of the whole situation. If I do smoke that cigarette, I will hopefully get rid of all my stress and problems. I will also be able to get closer to my friends, especially since now I know a big secret of theirs. After all, I might not like it, and just stop whenever I feel like it.

  I dragged my feet toward my friend, forcing my body to act, as I want it to, and kept convincing myself that I am doing the right thing with every step I took. I took the cigarette from his fingertips, trying to show no hesitation in my eyes. He promised that it would make me feel better as he got out a lighter from his back pocket. He instructed me on how to smoke properly, and advised that I don’t breath in all the smoke at once. Plus, he showed me how to get a better taste by placing my tongue right in front of the end of the cigarette.

  “Now I guess I will have to explain to you how to get these cigarettes without getting us in any sorts of trouble.” Said Faisal.

  “No, I don’t think I will try this again, it done its job, but I don’t think I should try this again.”

  “You realize this feeling you have right now is just temporary right? You will need to smoke some more later on in the future, hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if you stop by five hours later asking for more.”

  “If that actually does happen, how do I get them?” I asked, hoping that I will never need to do what he will tell me.

  “Well, you will need a few things. You will need tobacco, tar, and the material to make roads with. You will need cyanide, which is a deadly poison, and umm-“

  “What! You are joking right? I am serious! How can I get me a box of these things?” I exclaimed.

  “Well, you do need these things to make yourself a cigarette.” He laughed. “Abdurrahman, for a smart guy, you really are dumb. You should learn to understand when I guy is joking with you, and when he’s not. These cigarettes will hopefully help you loosen up. “He said as he was balancing a cigarette on the tip of his finger.

  I sighed, took another puff, and then asked again, “How can I get the cigarettes?”

  “It is actually quite easy, after you get used to the whole process. You go to the cold store with two partners. You have to get a lot of similar items, so the guy at the counter will just scan the same item over, and over again without having to move, nor moving his eyes. Partner A will stand right in front of the camera behind the counter to cover partners B, and C. Guy A will also have to tap his fingers on the counter, at the opposite direction of the cigarettes stand, just so if the counter guy decided to change the direction of his view, the first thing he will turn his attention to is the tapping. Since there usually aren’t many customers at that cold store, B will have to distract them if needed, if not, then he stands by the exit for two purposes: one: look if there was anyone on his way inside; if so, then he signals to his partners. Two, distract the counter by talking to him, or whatever. All of this will be happening while C, carefully grabs a few cigarette boxes carefully.”

  I thought about his plan in my head, thought about how dangerous it is, but I guess that they have been doing this for a while without getting caught, so it is obviously working. However, I did have one question, “How come no one ever noticed the missing boxes?”

  “Oh, I forgot to mention something, the guy who works there hates us a little for playing around with the items at the store. You see, so the guy there wouldn’t notice empty spots on the rack, we usually switch the cigarette boxes with the candy looking ones, and some other items.” Faisal chuckled, “He thinks it is just a joke, and we obviously do it in front of him so he won’t suspect us of stealing anything.”

  “Even though you obviously do.” I gazed at the cigarette between his fingers.

  “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?” He took a puff, and coughed.

  “However, it is obviously hurting you.” I whispered.

  He stared into my eyes for a few seconds, “Abdurrahman, let us be honest now; can you honestly tell me that smoking is going to hurt you more than the emotional pain you’re going through right now? I mean come on, what if you do smoke one cigarette every once on a while? What can this one cigarette do to you? Trust me, if you try dealing with what you’re going through the ‘clean’ way, then the clean way will end up washing away your life.”

  I started recalling all the things I went through in my life. I reminisced all the moments that really hurt me, the ones that I will probably have to deal with my entire life. I didn’t say a word; instead, I just took another puff, and many others after that. I remember thinking that somehow, in the end, my day did turn out the way I thought it would. Somehow, smoking during that day made me happy, it made me forget, and it made me feel like I was back to how I was, and better. I remember thinking that life gives you exactly what you think of, however that doesn’t necessary mean what you want. You could wish for all sort of good things to happen to you, but that probably won’t happen if you doubt in everything and never truly believe that good things are going to cross your path, and hopefully stay for good. The funny thing is, despite me knowing that back then, I still had much more sad and depressing thoughts about myself than good and pleasant, but sometimes all it takes is a smile from a certain person to turn your life around.